Thursday, February 3, 2011

I almost fell off the wagon today…

This is my story.

Today I felt stuck in the mud. I felt like I lost all my fitness and was starting from scratch. I knew I needed to get back at my training, but I felt like I couldn’t. For the first time in a long time I felt overwhelmed, like I couldn’t. Like I should quit. Like I wanted to quit. Like there was no use. Like a nap was a better choice, or actually like a nap would make the feeling of needing to work out go away.

I KNOW. Terrible.

I have no idea what was going on. I think this flu thing got in my brain and burrowed holes or caves or something. I was scared to get back at it. I haven’t been scared or intimidated by my training EVER. Not even when I started my first marathon training.

I knew that if I didn’t grab my gym bag and get in  my car I chanced not EVER doing it again, or at least for a long time. I was on a slippery slope. I was about to fall off the wagon. After texting with Mel-Tall Mom and Jessica I knew I had to go, my Triple Threat Girls needed me to get back at it, after all we committed to this Half Iron together.

As I drove to the pool I realized I forgot my towel. #$%# @$%#!@! $%#%!!! I almost turned to go back home for it. But I didn’t. I kept moving forward, like a freaking magnet was pulling my Jeep nearer to the pool…like a stupid UFO beaming me in or something.

I had planned to swim an easy 1000 yds then make it to spin class at noon where I would give about 75% effort. I know, I am sure that is insulting to the instructor but I wanted to be frugal with my new energy. I’m telling you, it is strange how this sickness knocked my confidence.  I got to the pool, took a shower, froze my bootie off until I got in the pool then SWOOSH….I swam.

I felt good! I felt strong! My lungs felt good! My body felt good! My arms felt good! The water felt good! I wasn’t drowning, I wasn’t coughing up a lung into the gutter, I wasn’t sucking wind! I was OK!

I finished up my 1000 yds at 12:00. I was a little disappointed to realize I wouldn't make it to spin class but really, this was a good first day back. Usually Fridays are my easy swim day so I’ll switch today and tomorrow, leaving me with a 3 mile run and 20 mile bike tomorrow.

On my drive home I was thinking. When we feel good, or at least for me, when I feel good, I take it for granted. I never stop to remember how bad I felt that one time I was sick. It’s not until I feel like crap do I think of my good health, I always imagine myself in a sunny field with flowers and a soft breeze, or driving in my car with the windows down, laughing and just feeling good.  So this hit me like a slap in the face, what about the people who don’t feel good all the time? People like my dad, who is fighting pancreatic cancer. I know he doesn’t feel great but he gets up and he smiles and plays with his grandkids and he goes about his day.  He feeds the cows and hauls fire wood, he checked my oil when I was home last. He is not taking his health for granted any more. The good days are a blessing. I don’t know when or if he feels bad, he doesn't really say. But I felt kind of bad for feeling so bad the past couple of days.  I guess my point is this, I’m going to make a point to be thankful for the good and not take it for granted. 

When you are sick, what is your healthy again daydream?

You don’t have to answer this, but what is something you  realize you have taken for granted? Can you turn it around RIGHT NOW and be thankful for it from now on?

While I’m feeling all sappy-licious….you’re all pretty awesome!! Thanks for being YOU!


  1. so glad you are feeling better, so glad you got in the pool and so glad you didnt quit.

  2. I'm so glad you're finally feeling better! Awesome job in the pool! And, yay for it feeling great!
    I've been sick 3 times this year and each time I was out for a good 2 weeks. I definitely took my health and running for granted before I got so sick. So, my healthy again daydream is being able to run/bike/swim in the warm sunshine without any pain or coughing up a lung!

  3. Yay for feeling better.

    Happy Daydream = Hot run... in like 90 degree temps... nothing better especially with all of this cold weather.

    Taken for granted = the bliss of being a stay-at-home mother... for 7 years... especially now as I am easing back into the working world... it STINKS!

  4. So happy you're on the mend!

    I do think this is one way I was SO LUCKY to start running with Team in Training. I have it engrained in my brain that I have it so easy...every single day...compared to people with Cancer, chronic illnesses, etc. We are just so so so so so lucky to be able to conquer the most basic of tasks daily, and on top of that - being healthy and active! It is truly amazing.

    Actually, I am a Team in Training mentor now, and one of my mentees last season was currently being treated for Lymphoma. She would show up to the Team runs bald and just having had a treatment a few days prior. And she did it. And she completed her marathon at Disney. And seriously, I have it easy. So easy.

    It truly is all about perspective.

  5. Good for you for getting back out there, even though you didn't want to!! I think about it a lot... because my mom works with the physically disabled, I've been reminded all my life how lucky I am to be able to walk, run... It seems like there are so many around me who are fighting cancer right now. It's hard to take anything for granted when you are watching someone fight for their life. Praying for your dad.

  6. First, I'm glad you are feeling better, but listening to your body and easing back into it. My dear friend lost her life to cancer. I have a tatoo just for her (and me) that reminds me what a blessing it is to be able to step out the door and RUN. And that when I come home, I have a loving family awaiting. It might not always be easy, but at least I have it to do...and for that, I am thankful.
    Thanks for sharing your struggle today. It is a good reminder for us all.

  7. Awesome post. Usually I'm not one for the sappy stuff, but I liked what you had to say. Hope you stay motivated!

  8. I've been a little ill the last few days, and too bad I don't have someone to text to get me going. I just have shame from my coach.

  9. Glad your feeling better. I think we each know what our bodies are telling us.

    after I am ill I always want to get back to my normal routine. I never take for granted my boring uneventful life.

  10. Yeah girl!! You.are.back!! Glad you felt like Phelps and not like Nemo! he he!

    Taken for granted: snow-less sidewalks. The Northeast is getting pummeled and while it is frigid in Pullman, I can still walk Cooper without snow shoes!

  11. I've been blog hopping tonight and wandered here. I'm from Fayetteville...AR ; )

    I had the worst flu about 5 years ago. It might have been mono. It lasted at least 8 weeks, no lie. I had been running 4ish miles per day, just for exercise-not training or anything. After that I got hurt. I am STILL trying to get back to 3-5 pain free miles. I took a break over a trip and I was actually nervous today. I had a nervous tummy to see how hard it would be today! It made me totally not want to do it, b/c I knew my legs were tired and I knew it would just be crap. But I did it. And it was crappy. But not as crappy as I expected, so little victories!

    If I had known my back was going to crap out at 24, I would have appreciated it more. Not to be all woe is me, but I haven't had a pain free conscious minute in over 6 years. But, it happened, so I'm trying to deal. All I can do is keep trying to be normal, and keep trying to get stronger!

  12. I am sick right now with a cough and it is definitely irritating not being able to run, knowing that each day you are falling out of shape a tiny bit. You are right about not appreciating the healthy days when you have them!

  13. Pretty amazing how we can psyche ourselves sometimes...

    And yes the flu had me in his grips this week. I'd all but cancelled my airplane ticket to the marathon this weekend on Monday and the fog finally has lifted from my brain today...All will be well...

    at least I hope so! ;)

    sometimes just walking up the stairs without being winded I take for granted...

  14. Yay for feeling better and for getting out there and swimming!! :)

  15. glad you are feeling better! that first workout back always feels SOOOO good!

  16. Nothing like getting back to a workout! I seriously think being sick messes with our brains - way to fight it!

  17. a long time ago when i was vacation with a girlfriend in venezuela, we meet an old native of the island we were on, he saw us americans and said you guys live in past and future, past and future, back and forth bacn and forth. you need to learn to live in the present. when i first saw that man ithought he was a nut job. now when i am having a bad day i think of that man, he was so right.

  18. I love the feeling after a great workout that you have pushed yourself to get done!!! I need to love what I have now and not say, "When ___ happens I will be happy." or "If only I was ___ then life would be perfect." I need to remember to be happy NOW and not when I lose weight or whatever.

  19. The pool makes everything feel better!!

    There may be a slight bias buried in there somewhere, but I'm pretty sure it's a known fact.

  20. So glad you're feeling better :)

    Thoughts and prayers for your dad.

    My healthy again daydream isn't even a perfect run, or yoga sequence - shoot, just the other day i longed to be on the treadmill of all things!! It's just getting off my butt.

    Yesterday I painfully realized I take many things for granted. *sigh*

  21. I always feel the EXACT same way after I've been down. I was so scared of my 18-miler during marathon training because that was my first run coming off a week of rest for my knee. But I put my big girl panties on (metaphorically speaking. I'm actually a fellow commando-er. haha) and did it and it was my best long run to date.

    Congrats on winning the medal display! D got me one for my birthday from Allied, and it's freakin' sweet.

  22. I just found your blog and wanted to say "hi". I am glad you are feeling better and that you had a good work out today. Being sick and drained is just hard on your body, emotionally and physically. good for you for not falling off the wagon. :)



You're pretty much awesome!!


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