I Miss It....

...but is that enough? Is missing running enough to get me back out there, consistently, on the road? Maybe not. It comes in waves. Like I reminisce about the days when I was in half-marathon shape at any given moment. That was the best! Those were the glory days.

Not anymore.

I think I'd legit have to do a Couch to 5k program now if I wanted to get out there and do a 5k. No shame in that, it's just to give you an idea of where I'm at...I am at the Not in Running Shape place. And it sucks.

Now I can pick a 300 pound body up off the floor, or back squat 200 pounds....but I can't run a decent 5k without croaking. I want to be a combination of both...strong and cardiovascularly fit.

But that is going to take work, consistency, determination, grit, and effort. Can I do it? Sure. I think I can....if I decide to, if I want to, IF I WILL DO IT.

So what are my roadblocks?

1.) I do love doing Crossfit and I do it about 5-6 times a week. That makes it really hard to get into a running routine because Crossfit is hard and makes me tired and sore. something will have to give. Or I'll just have to run on my Off Days, but then when do I rest?

2.) I'm about a year out of foot surgery and it still hurts, still swells, still gives me fits....and I have nerve damage in the foot that causes numbness on my entire foot and up my shin and calf. It's OKish for now, annoying and mildly affects my ability to balance and whatnot. When I get much older if it doesn't improve I can see it causing significant trouble in my balance. I often trip on small cracks or stumble and luckily I can catch myself, for now.

3.) It's freaking HOT outside in the middle of the summer so I'll have to get up early or run late at night. Or make friends with the treadmill again.

But. I do want it. And I do miss it.

So maybe I'll get back to it! Follow along as I try to make it back to running and well, try to keep up with my blog again too...because its be honest, I miss that too.

Any tips for me to get back at it!~?

New Year...Same Me...

...and that's OK.

Same me but with a little more clarity and determination, maybe its the years of life and experience? This year I will be 40....can you believe it? I can't. I mean I can....but I can't! I don't feel a day over 30. Except sometimes I'm sore and achey and I can't keep up with the 25 year olds in the gym, shoot I can't even keep up with the 30 year olds any more....but I am still there. Still going! Still doing my best!

And that is what this is about. Doing MY best. I am only competing with myself to do my best and I just don't care to compare myself to everyone else. I don't have the energy. And I sure don't have the time. Last tine I tried to keep up with the young'uns at the gym I ended up hurting myself and taking nearly 8 weeks off! My 39th birthday I came back to the gym after 4 weeks off (ribs popped out of place, displacing my scapula that lead to a shoulder separation...OUCH). Anyway I tried to come back too soon and reinjured myself and ended up being out even longer. I am not doing that any more.

I remember when I used to write about Running Your Own Race. I meant it. I lived it! I believed it! Somehow when I started crossfit I forgot about that. My competitive side got ignited and I started trying to compete with those around me. In many ways that is AWESOME! I had fun! I got stronger and faster. Then I got hurt. 

These days I have shifted my focus and try to reel it back in when my competitive side rears it's head. Some competition is healthy and fun and I enjoy it. But I have to be smart and remind myself of my goals. I'd rather be able to stay active and fit and be able to come to the gym than hurt myself and be out for months....

Which I am reminded that I will soon be out for at least 8 weeks. Ugh.....But that is another story for another post.

I am almost to 4 years doing crossfit. FOUR years! And I do miss running but I realized that I have taken some of what pushed me and excited me about running and implemented it into crossfit.  Each time I ran a race I was chasing a PR. I wanted to beat MYSELF! Do better than I did in THAT race or THAT distance than I did the time before. I didn't always beat myself. But I ALWAYS tried. And that is what I do with crossfit. And numbers don't lie. 

At my gym (or what most call a box) we have a bell hanging on the wall and each time you pick up something heavy, heavier than you have ever picked up and put back down, when you enter your score into the computer you get a GOLD STAR. And if you get a gold start you get to ring that bell. and THAT is what I try to do. I don't get a PR start every workout. Sometimes I feel so strong and surprise myself. Sometimes that 35 pound bar feels so heavy I don't even think I can get it in to the rack. But I always try to do better than I did the time before.

I didn't really start tracking and paying attention to how may PR Stars I got until 2016. That year I got 65. 65 times I did better than MYSELF....I got stronger 65 times.

In 2017 I got 62 PR Stars. Not quite 65 but 62 is awesome and I will take it!

This past year, 2018 I did better than MYSELF 83 times. EIGHTY THREE. You guys....83 times I beat myself. 83 times I got to ring the bell....83 times I got proof that what I am doing, the effort I am putting in every day, the hard work....is worth it.

I .LOVE .THAT. 

The two dudes who beat me are amazing! They are also coaches! Jeremi logged in to I think 365 classes last year or something crazy like that! And see? Here I go comparing and being competitive....I can't shake it entirely! But I am so happy with my numbers and we will see what happens in 2019!

PR Leaderboard!!

The thing with weight lifting is that eventually getting stronger gets more and more difficult because, well, its HARD and form is important and many of these lifts are technical and require such meticulous form that it's hard to improve and add weight if you don't use proper technique...so we shall see if I can keep improving! It's a challenge and I accept.

I Got Punched in the Face and Lived to Tell You About it...

....ok, so it wasn’t an actual Fist-To-Face punch but let me be honest, that probably would have hurt less. And for sure been a MUCH better story to tell.

Danny Rand AKA Iron Fist. Any other fans out there??

So about a month ago I was contacted by Lyn about a cool opportunity to get a DEXA Scan. So this post is sponsored and the scan was paid for by them. But the review I’m about to give is an honest one of my experience and thoughts on the process, the information obtained, and the scan itself. And to be clear, the scan itself was NOT painful at all...it was simple, easy, and quick...the information blow about my body fat percentage? Well...THAT hurt.

So what exactly IS a DEXA Scan? I’m glad you asked!  A DEXA scan is a way to precisely measure body composition; muscle, fat, bone.... it is a great way to see exactly where you are right now and measure progress in the future, or no progress if that’s the case.  The scan can show you cool stuff like muscle asymmetry, which can lead to injuries, and visceral fat which is the dangerous fat around the organs. You can also check your bone's health to prevent any bone related diseases like osteoporosis.  So essentially it’s a cool way to take a look at what’s underneath our skin and what is inside our bodies.

The DEXA scan gives you the most precise information about your body fat, muscle, and bone composition, and it lets you track changes in your body composition over a period of time. Fitness enthusiasts, athletes, normal people who want to see what the inside of their body is doing, can use this scan to get a baseline of where they are now and to objectively measured progress. Four instance finding out that you have 112 pounds of lean muscle and a skeleton that weighs 7.7 pounds is super cool information! And to toot my own horn for a second the lady who did my scan said that my bones were "amazing" and my bone health was at the top of the charts, being excellent for a woman of my age (21 years old.....for the 19th time). She also said my lean muscle of 112 pounds was "really, really good." So my lean muscle mass and bone density where the two positive things about my scan.

The results show you your overall body fat, lean tissue, or muscle, bone weight and percentages, and gives you a breakdown for the right and left side of your body. This shows you if your arms and/or legs differ in comparison.  The scan can show you where your body fat and muscle is distributed, and the gross reality of visceral fat, the dangerous fat around your organs. The primary advantage of a DEXA scan over using a fat estimated device like bio impedance scales, calipers, tape measure or the displacement estimate device (like the hydrostatic dunk tank or the Bod Pod that I reviewed a few years ago-the red word Bod Pod is a link to that post) is that the DEXA scan is actually measuring your body fat and giving you precise measurements showing you WHERE on your body that fat is located.  The bod pod that I did just gave me an overall idea, it didn’t show me how much fat and muscle was in each arm, each leg, my trunk, my big toe, or my hands... it just gave me the overall breakdown of fat, muscle, bones and organs.

I was surprised to see that my arms and even my legs were symmetrical in muscle and fat distribution. The DEXA scan gives you a precise measurement of the fat and muscle distributed
around your body. This allows you to see asymmetry that can actually lead to injury if you don’t correct it. So if one arm is stronger than the other, or you feel like you might be stronger in one arm than the other, this can actually tell you for sure if you have more lean muscle in your right arm than your left arm, thus telling you you’re not crazy and you do know your body. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything. 

When I arrived to the Lamkin Clinic the actual scan was so quick and easy! I filled out a small questionnaire and was shown to the room with the scan. I didn't have to change clothes or anything, I even left on my Ugg boots....but had to remove all jewelry. I just laid down on the table, she strapped my feet together so  I could relax a bit, I held my arms close to my body, and she began the scan. It didn't take long at all, maybe 7 minutes, if that. It went the length of my body, slowly, making some kind of futuristic scanning sound that made me think I was either getting cloned or turned into a super hero (ok ok...too many DC and Marvel movies).

When the scan was complete I was given a three page report with the scan broken down for me. It was easy to read and interpret and detailed my results. The lady went over the numbers with me and we discussed any concerns and questions I had.


And this three page report is where I got punched in the face....not by the lady, she was great, but by the numbers....we already discussed the lean muscle and the bones...but the overall number of pounds of my body (which, blog to come about that mess soon....) and the percentage of body fat. Ugh...OUCH.

But now I know.  I know the truth, I know where I stand. I know what is happening with my body...and I know I have a ton of muscle, a strong healthy skeleton, and too much body fat for my liking.


So on one hand this information was hurtful and brutally honest. But on the other it was also valuable and necessary. It provided me with a wake-up call that I needed. I am working my tail off 4-6 days a week doing crossfit. I am strong! But my performance is lacking due to the excess of body fat and I now have a realistic idea of how many pounds, or I actually prefer a realistic body fat percentage, that I can shoot for losing. I don't want to lose muscle or strength. I want to lose fat. And knowledge is power....

So if you are interested in getting a DEXA scan check out this website for a location near you:  DEXAscan.com 

Have you ever had a DEXA Scan or a done the Bod Pod or any other test to give you this kind of insight? Thoughts about it?

Running In Circles....

....it gets a little bit old. 

Sunday I ran so many circles I covered 3.54 miles. And yes, that means I didn't Run Naked and used my Nike app to track my distance. What can I say, I couldn't help it. I needed to know! But the awesome news is that just moments ago my new FitBit arrived at my house and I am like a kid on Christmas morning and cannot wait to go home and get it! 

It is just waiting for me to come home and get it!

Anyway, I ran circles Sunday and used my Tabata App to help me stay on track with the prescribed Run 2 minutes then Walk 2 min.  The plan called for 6 rounds but I had time to kill and figured 10 rounds would be fun. But I didn't want to venture out too far from where I was running since it was kind of stormy and LB was doing his CrossFit On-Ramp class there at the gym.

Oklahoma Summer Storm Sky

Timer Pro App

So I ran circles. A lot of them. 

And then this morning I found a nice street in the neighborhood behind mine that has the slightest bit of incline, hard to come by around here, and ran circles around the small block. This morning though I only had time for 6 rounds of the 2 min Run/2 min Walk and only covered 2 miles in 24 min.

I can see potential with this plan. Although the walk gets shorter and the run gets longer but I like the idea of playing with the pace and speed and getting more of a Fartlek type of workout in. It is reminding me a lot of my Run Less Run Faster plan from back in the day. Where you don't have to spend a lot of time running but when you do run you run faster, intervals and sprints. It works. 

I am enjoying getting back in the swing of things and it helps that the time spent is manageable. I can still get the kiddo on the bus, run, and get home in time to get dressed for work. I have about 20 minutes to get ready but seriously, that is enough time. So far so good....I'm still at it and adding a piece of tech equipment is only going to help! 

Off to take an early lunch and grab my new toy!

The Struggle is Real!

Making a new habit it haaaaaaaaaard.

Last night I decided I was going to get my life together and deleted all the alarms I had set on my phone. And stop snoozing 57 times.

Anyone else relate??

This is only a few of them! 

Well it was decided we’d get up at 6:05 and get around for school. As LB heads to the bus I’d head out for my run. Good plan last night but when I woke up this morning I didn’t want to. I did snooze the alarms. A few times. We ended up getting up at 6:20, still plenty of time to get around and catch the school bus. But I was tired and didn’t want to run.

I kicked around and tried to talk myself out of it while simletaneously talking myself in to it.

I got dressed about 2 min after LB walked out the door and got my run under way.

Getting started is the hardest part. Once I decided to go and got myself out the door the rest was easy! I even got to see a beautiful Oklahoma sunrise. #worthit  Are hashtags a thing in blogs?

I did another 8 cycle run of 1 min run/2 min walk for a total of 24 min. I was back home and had plenty of time to get ready for work, I was even ready early.  So no excuses. I have no reason not to do this. Once I’m up, I’m up.

Day 2 done and done!

This is the app I use for Tabata type workouts:

It's called TimerPro and you can set the intervals any way you like. It works really well, even with my music playing. I set it for 8 rounds of 1 min run and 2 minutes walk. Tomorrow I'll set it for 8 rounds of 2 min run/2 min walk. So if you're looking for a cool app to help you out, especially if you are Naked Running, it works well and you don't have to keep looking at a watch.

Tuesday my new FitBit will arrive! I am pretty excited, even though it has been really nice to just get out and run without worrying about all the details; pace, distance, speed. But... I would like to know how far I go during my workout. And I want to start hitting my step goal each day. And well, if you're not logging or keeping track then are you even walking or getting the steps? I think not.....

Also Tuesday my new barbell arrives! Its gonna be a big day around here! I love getting presents in the mail....even if I did have to pay for them myself. Ahhhh!

Isn't it the pretties barbell you've ever laid eyes on??? So even though I am trying to run more I still can't give up the CrossFit and weightlifting. I love it....

Week 1, Day 1...

Today was Day 1 and it was a success. It wasn’t hard. It was fine.

My plan called for 6 rounds of 1 minute run followed by 2 minute walk. I decided to do 8 rounds. That put me at 24 min total. I spent most of my time messing around with my ear buds. Ugh! I also just enjoyed the fact that I was out for a run! It felt so good! And it was nice knowing I’d be done in 24 minutes. I’m not sure how far I went. My newest Garmin 25 flopped, won’t connect to satellites to even keep the time, much less track runs. It lasted barely two years. I am charging up my old school Garmin 405 but really it just felt nice to use my phone with an awesome timer app to tell me when to run and when to walk.

It was refreshing to not worry about pace or distance. To just go out and run until I’m supposed to walk. Tomorrow I’ll do the same thing, what we used to call a “naked run”. And I have to admit I’m kinda looking forward to it! But on the other hand I have ordered a new Fitbit and I’m pretty excited for it to arrive! So this week, week 1, will be Naked Runs, next week I’ll start with the geeky stats!

I've got my plan...

...YEP.  I've got my plan now I just need to implement it. No biggie. Right?

Starting is THE hardest part. Making the time...most people say they want to do something but then when it comes to actually doing it they never make the time, or are full of excuses. And when I say "they" I completely 107% include myself in that.

I remember when I wanted to start CrossFit and my biggest roadblock, excuse, or issue was time. WHEN? HOW? When would I do it and how would I fit it in? Well you know what? I figured it out because I wanted to! It was important to me, I tried it and liked it and wanted to keep dong it. Now it is part of my regular routine and just like waking up and going to work, I go to CrossFit.

Beginning my running routine is going to be the same. And realistically I am planning on three days a week, THREE. That's it. I can do that. I will do that. 

So I have picked a Couch to 5k then 10K plan. I realize I am not exactly starting from a ZERO fitness level but I  am starting from a zero endurance level and minimal running. I have been lifting weights and working out in short bursts for over three years. My endurance is nonexistent at this point. And it is tough to start with a C25K plan, it's hard on the ego for sure. But this isn't about ego. It is about doing something hard and making a change, taking a stand, and taking control and making a commitment. 

My plan is three days a week, starting with walk/run approach and eventually getting to an all run for 5k then 10k. So my next task: Find a 5k in the next 8 weeks then a 10k in 10 weeks (ish). 

I'm pumped!

The Plan

Most Recent Signature Pose

The Bug....

...the little bitty bug called the Running Bug has been buzzing about my head. I have seen it here and there, heard it on a beautiful evening, felt it on a quiet morning.  He’s after me. 

I’m not going to fight it. 

Now I don’t plan to get crazy but I do plan to start getting a few miles logged. And here’s the hardest part, I’m looking at C25k plans. No shame in it AT ALL. I feel like I want to start from the beginning. I am by no means out of shape. But I am for sure out of RUNNING CONDITION. I can lift 262 pounds up off the ground. I can squat 200 pounds. I can clean and jerk 142 pounds, from the ground to over head. I am strong. But if s bear, or bad guy, or rabid skunk, or mean dog, or zombie, or wasp, or parliament or raccoons were chasing me they’d have me in 400 meters. 

I’d be a goner. 

I don’t like that thought. 

I want to be able to run 15 miles no problem. 

So I think I’m ready to slowly start back getting some mileage and cardio in my life. 

Anyone have any great C25K plans they love? I’m going to be doing some research and planning and hope to have a solid plan by Wednesday. But I’d love to know any of your thoughts! 

Already Ahead....

...once I hit PUBLISH I’ll already be ahead of my 2017 blogging. Can I get a high five?

So I’m still in for Blooms to Brews! Tulips are already in full bloom here in OK so you better believe I threatened Jessica about the tulips up there in the PNW. She assured me that the tulips in fact would be in full bloom end of April. I’m pretty excited to get back up there and run a race… it’s been far too long.

Although this won’t be much of a race per say.  I’m not going for a PR. The training just hasn’t been there. I have no doubt I can cover the distance. But injury has set me back significantly. The past three years I have been busy with something called Crossfit. Ever heard of it? It has been an amazing experience and I’ll be the first to say it’s not for everyone. But for me it has been awesome. If you’re curious you should most definitely give it a try. The atmosphere and community are unlike anything you have ever experienced. Anyway, I digress… the 2018 Open brought with it, like it does every year, challenges and weaknesses are exposed. During 18.1 (1st of 5 workouts) I did a doozie on my body. Long story short over a month later and I am still slowly recovering from an injury sustained to my ribs, shoulder blade, rhomboid major, and AC joint. It sounds serious and awful. It was certainly awful and one of the most painful things I have experienced. But not serious. It just needs time to recover. And I’m not good at taking time off. Especially when I have race to train for. But overall no permanent damage has been done to my body.

 If you’ve ever popped ribs out of place or cracked or injured your ribs in any way you understand just how hard it is to even breath. Forget sneezing, coughing, or laughing. Breathing is so difficult that small shallow breaths are all you can handle, which over time causes a feeling of almost hyperventilating. Not. Fun.

So how the heck can you run when you can’t breath or stand unassisted for more than a couple of minutes? You can’t. Nope. Not at all.

But here I am, 5 weeks later, and I’m hoping to start running Thursday! The Dr. on Thursday threatened to put put me in a sling if I don’t hang on one more week and take it easy.... so I am taking it easy. A few more days. Then I have three weeks to get some fitness in.

So Blooms to Brews won’t be pretty but it’ll be fun!!

And on a final note I need a challenge for the next 365 days.... I turned 39 in March and the next one is gonna be....er..... different than any other birthday I’ve had. I’m working on an epic 40th birthday trip, but until then I need something to keep me going. Back in the day I need a distraction and a goal so I ran a half marathon every month during a tough deployment. I think a half a month is a bit too ambitious given OK doesn’t exactly have the race scene that the PNW afforded me with. But maybe a 5k a month, or a mile a day, or yoga every day, or some kind of registered even a month.... something. And I need to figure it out fast! So give me some ideas!!

Epic BDay cake made by Summer

Ace was super impressed by the bday flowers!

Well HELLO 2018....

Weird....it's been so long. Actually, strangely enough it has been ONE year and ONE day since my last post. That is really weird. I had no idea unit I sat down to actually write this post. I have no idea why I didn't really blog much last year. Maybe I'll do more this year. Maybe.

So what have I been up to the last year? A lot. And well not much at the same time. I guess you could say I've been up to a lot of the same things. Cross Fit mostly. That takes up a lot of my time and attention. I'm definitely hooked. And so my blog title 5 Miles Past Empty doesn't seem to fit anymore. But changing it is pretty overwhelming. It's something I'll be putting a lot of thought in to the next month or so.

So this morning I drug myself out of bed for a run.  I was supposed to do that last weekend but it was 18 degrees and the windchill was just stupid, much worse than that. So why on earth would I purposely go out and run in that kind of weather??? I wouldn't. But this morning it was 54 degrees at 6:15 AM. So I had no excuse...other than wanting to go to Cross Fit at 9 AM. And my friend promised me breakfast afterwards. So of course I was in. And I missed the CrossFit class.

During my 5 mile run I was thinking about all sorts of things, you know, the way you do while on a good run. I was thinking about breakfast, running, Cross Fit, what happened to my love for running, how did I get so out of running shape?? How was I able to run miles and miles and miles and now its so hard? How long will it take to get back in running shape? And the biggest question......

HOW!?  How do I balance my love for Cross Fit and attending classes 3-5 times a week and running any sort of significant mileage? The short and honest answer is I don't know. But I am gonna try.

For the past couple of weeks I have been getting in shorter treadmill runs during the week at home on days I don't go to the gym or "box". Cross Fit is so intense, at least for me because I am not a young spry  whippersnapper anymore, and it takes a toll on my body, so I find it very hard to do both in one day, unless I were to run in the AM and hit Cross Fit in the evening. But even then I am exhausted and my body retaliates. Recovery doesn't come as easy as it used to. And lets be honest, I hate getting up any earlier than I have to.

Now more than ever I am trying to focus on nutrition and recovery as well as injury prevention. After all I wanna keep on doing what I'm doing. for a long time.  And well I have a 13.1 to run in April, Blooms to Brews in Washington. And the best part I'll be running with lots of friends I haven't run with or even seen in so long! And secondly I'll be running past fields of tulips.....my absolute favorite! So with a plan on paper, a goal in my eye,  and motivation in my heart I am off to a good start in 2018!

So here I am....Cross Fitting, Running, and trying to get back to my blog!

It feels good to be back!

Put in the werk, werk, werk....

...and you will see a change. This is 100% true. I don't know what kind of change you will see....but you WILL see a change.

The changes that come with living an active and healthy lifestyle aren't always in the waistline or size of your clothes. While those changes are awesome those aren't the ones I seek. Those aren't the ones that keep me going, time after time, to the gym, mile after mile down the road. The changes that keep me going are the ones I feel on the inside, physically and emotionally. 

Just before Christmas one of the coaches at the gym released some stats. If you know me you know I love LOVE LOVE stats....and I was floored when I saw them. Last year I attended 167 crossfit classes. 167! I think that is a lot considering the significant work that goes into a crossfit class. My girl Kristy was the female leader with 181 classes!! And Brandi was second with 170! I was a close third for attendance. Also, if you know me you know I have a slight competitive side. I didn't know this was being logged and monitored but you better believe in 2017 I know.....

Another stat that tickled me pink was the PR Leaderboard....all my runner readers, we know what PR means....I lead the females in PR's in 2016. And was third overall in the gym including dudes. So I was better than myself 65 times. 65 times I pushed myself and did more, heavier, or faster....and that is awesome! 

Starting anything new is hard. But if you put in the time and the work it gets easier. It may even become fun! And then it just becomes a part of your day-to-day and it is no longer new. When people say, "Yeah but.....I can't because....it's hard for me...." I get it. I used to think I couldn't too....I used to have every reason under the sun why I couldn't do something or that it was harder for me for some reason. But the truth is once I decided  I made it happen and it was no longer became an option. We all have busy lives, hectic schedules,  health problems, kids, jobs,  mortgages....whatever.... excuses.  Find something that interests you and do it! It doesn't have to be CrossFit or running marathons! It could be frisbee golf or tennis, or yoga, or power walking. It could be jazzercizing or swimming. It doesn't even matter. You have the ability to make it a part of your life and you will not be sorry..... You will see how it changes you, slowly from the inside out!

Hello 2017...

Time keeps marching on. I guess that is a good thing.

Hello faithful followers, old and new. It's been a while. I remember when I used to blog almost daily. My how times have changed. Sometimes I miss it terribly. Sometimes I don't at all. That's OK, I know it is here and when  the mood strikes me I can come and write. I have enjoyed looking back at many of my memories, good and not so good. My blog and my life have evolved and of course that is expected. I miss the days when I was logging miles and my race calendar was full. I miss my running buddies and the camaraderie we shared. But I can look back and smile and at the end of life that is all I can ask for, many happy memories that bring a smile to my face.....

So for 2017 what will I be up to? I decided to get out of bed and sit and think about this. As I started thinking I realized that my blog has always helped me think and has been an invaluable tool for me in my personal growth. So I decided to think about 2016 first. What did the past year teach me?

2016 taught me to forgive....to acknowledge hurt and pain, to be kind to myself, and forgive and let it go. It has taught me that some people just cannot, will not, do not, and/or won't love me the same as I love them. And that is OK. I have forgiven and let go of those who maybe had no idea it even needed to happen. And that is OK. I have accepted that maybe the quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson has some truth to it; It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all..... I have learned to by happy with me, myself, and I. I have discovered that I love myself, fully and unconditionally. I have adjusted my mindset and my my motivation for doing and accomplishing things is not longer for the end result of being good enough....because I am already good enough.

For the first time in maybe ever, the history of ME I have realized that in 2017 I want to continue doing what I am doing. Being unapologetically me. I want to keep striving for health and wellness of mind, body, and spirit. I want to teach and lead my son, guide him to continue growing into an amazing, caring young man. I want to continue growing and pushing myself. I want to live life and make it happen, not let life happen to me.

I still need to think of some solid, measurable goals and post them. That will be coming soon. In the mean time HAPPY NEW YEAR and thank you for following along as I stumble through life and occasionally fill you all in!

I am not "Lucky"...

Quite a few months ago I was approached on the sidewalk while in Nashville. The well-intentioned man told me, "Congratulations!" I was dumbfounded and looked at him with that expression of confusion and surprise....he noticed and quickly explained, "For your body. Congratulations. I just wanted to tell you that." I again just looked at him, confused. And said, "Ok. Thank you?"

I turned to my friends and was still confused. They assured me it was a compliment. I was upset. I didn't win my body at the county fair....I worked hard for it. They explained it was a good compliment, congratulations for working hard and being fit. I accepted their explanation but it still didn't sit well with me. But I soon forgot all about it.

Recently I was talking with a person about fitness, diet and nutrition, and just all around life. She told me, "You're so lucky." I immediately felt my face get hot and heart pound a little harder. Clearly I have some issues with body image here....I need to work on that. But anyway, I could feel myself getting angry and defensive. I am not lucky. I am working against some difficult genes here.  I have to work so hard to just be within normal/healthy BMI. I work out HARD 4-6 times a week. I watch every piece of food that goes into my mouth. I am working against my bodies natural, comfortable tendency to carry so much excess weight in my hips, buttocks, and thighs. I can SMELL cookies and gain weight. Its true, I ready a study that proves it. Go ahead, GOOGLE "Can smelling cookies make me gain weight" and just scroll down the pages of articles......That is me and my life.

I am not lucky.

I am disciplined. I am dedicated. I am cognizant. I am self-aware. I am determined. I am fit.

Luck has nothing to do with it.....its not luck that I get off work and rush home, say hello to my kid, throw on my workout clothes and go straight to the gym. It is not luck that I pay a significant amount of money for my crossfit membership. It is not luck that I can afford it....I budget it it, I make sacrifices. It is not luck that I have time or energy....I make it happen.

I am not lucky....I'm not unlucky either though, don't get me wrong....but my muscles and strength are not due to luck. They are due to me making a decision that I want health. I want fitness. I want to be the best version of myself for as long as I can.

So if you ever find yourself thinking someone is lucky...remind yourself that it may not be luck. Its most likely hard work and dedication.

San Francisco 13.1 Recap....

What day is it?? It's only Monday? That means I completed the San Francisco First Half Marathon yesterday. I'm only a little sore, mostly my calves due to the hills here. You can't find hills like this in Oklahoma.

I would most certainly rate this race/course in my top 5 most beautiful and scenic races. As I was plodding along I was mentally ranking them:

1. Big Sur....hands down, no doubt about it. Absolutely breath taking. 

2. San Francisco Marathon and half

3. Seattle Marathon

4. Tacoma City

5. Portland Marathon

6. Las Vegas Rock n Roll HALF---not the full...the second half of the marathon was the most boring, industrial scenery I have ever experienced in my life. Miles 1-13.1 are along the strip and now at night. Beautiful and fun. 

7. Virginia Beach Rock n Roll -but I cannot under any circumstance recommend this race. Ever. Not without feeling so guilty and extreme anxiety for you, your life, and your wellbeing. I think I almost died in this race. It's held Labor Day weekend and it's so hot and humid. I lost count of all the people I saw being taken away by ambulance, in the medical tents, getting IV fluid, one having a heat stroke, and one person died on the course. This, in my opinion, is a very irresponsible time to have a race of this distance. So yeah, pretty but not worth it.

I'll still stay I have never experienced a race that comes anywhere near the local support, crowd, and all around experience as the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. Ever. 

I didn't mean to make this a review of races, maybe I'll thoroughly review and rank my races one of these days.

I really enjoyed this race but I did notice that the local support was lacking. One of the water stops was so understaffed that the cups were empty and they couldn't fill them fast enough for the runners to get any. There were small sections with cheering family members, locals here and there watching from their windows or door steps. Toward the end of the first half there was a nice sized cheering crowd. The ones who were out were so friendly and enthusiastic. One man, a worker I believe, on the Golden Gate Bridge, was cheering and high-fiving anyone and everyone who came along. He was so cool! But overall the sense of community surrounding this race was lacking. But that's OK and really doesn't detract from the overall experience. It's just different. The scenery and views were amazing, even with the San Francisco fog. 

With a 5:30 race start for the first half I was worried that it would still be too dark and I wouldn't get to enjoy the views. But the sun came up and I could see everything around me just fine. 

Pre race selfie....

Starting line view of the bay bridge!

Ghirardelli!! Mmm.... I was thinking how nice it would have been to get a nice piece of chocolate! 

Alcatraz in the distance! 

And of course the Golden Gate Bridge! 1.7 miles across on direction! This was a fun part of the race! Windy and chilly but also just awesome! 

At about mile 8.7, halfway across the bridge on the way back, I finally felt lose, warmed up, my calves loosened up, and I got my second wind, or maybe my first wind. Up to this point I felt slow and tight. So I picked up the pace a bit and just cruised right on along.... 

I heard some lady tell her friend, after a huge awful hill, that it was all downhill from here. I turned a corner and saw right in front of me a huge UP hill. I felt sorry for her friend. I felt sorry for me. It was steep but short(ish) so I did the only thing I could do. I put one foot in front of the other and overtook that stupid hill. 

I knew my Garmin was off by a little bit, as usual, due to running the tangents, or not. And weaving and dodging. So when I hit mile 13 and didn't see the finish anywhere in sight I just had to remind myself it was close. I was close! 

When I did see the finish I was so glad to be done at mile 13.1 and not going on for 26.2. I came on in to the finish line and as always felt a huge sense of pride and a smile across my face. Another one in the books and I survived. 

Of course the signature pose....

And there you have it, San Francisco First Half Marathon.

I met a couple of nice ladies on the course from Tulsa, OK (because I forgot my headphones and that gave me an opportunity to be present in the race and not antisocial) who may have convinced me to do Tulsa Route 66 in November. I've toyed with the idea of this race for a while now so we shall see....That might just be what's next. 

Active Recovery....

What does that even mean?? Since starting CrossFit active recovery has become a more and more clear necessity.  

Back in my high-mileage running days active recovery was not something I really did. I laid on the couch, iced my shins and compressed my calves, if I was lucky. Otherwise I went about my day chasing LB around and being a mom (active recovery at its finest). I didn't really put much thought into it. Rest and recovery days then I'd get up and do it all over again. 

But now Crossfit is a whole new beast. It keeps my body and muscles guessing as to what's coming next. I may crush my shoulders and upper body today and then smash my legs, quads and butt tomorrow. So active recovery has become a fun way to shake out the muscles, move around and get that lactic acid out, so that I can do it all again. Active recovery is usually less intense than normal training and done on "rest days". 

So what does an "active recovery" day look like for me? My new favorite is stand up paddle boarding! 

It is a great way to be active but not feel like I'm doing much! And ...I've been trying to get Ace out and on the stand up paddle board with me. It wasn't going so well and all he wanted to do was swim. I decided to get him a life jacket so he could swim, I could paddle, and we both could enjoy ourselves. He finally got the hang of it and had a nice time paddling around for a few hours this weekend! 

I also enjoy just walking. A nice 4 mph walk is an excellent way to actively recover. Swimming is a favorite of mine as well. Even better if you can drag your friends along! 

Other fun things are yoga and my new challenge is practicing my headstand a and hula hooping. 

Got a terrible cramp in my hammy after this one....

 

These are just a few of my favorite ways to stay active. I think at the end of the day, for me, active recovery is a lifestyle. It's being active, outside, doing stuff, enjoying each and every day to it's fullest!

This weekend I'll be actively recovering on a surf board and a skate board in Santa Cruz and San Francisco! 

Go ahead! Get out there! Actively recover and actively live life! You won't be sorry! 

San Fran 13.1 Prep Time!

So it's time to start prepping and packing for next weekend's half marathon. This morning as I was facetiming my Little Buddy, he's been in San Fran since early May, I noticed he was wearing a thick hoodie. It's hard to imagine why since we've been sweltering here in 100+ heat for days on end. 

I decided to check the weather and this is what I discovered: 

Umm......perfect running weather! 

Compared to here:

The only thing running here is the sweat....down my face and back and legs and body! 

I definitely love the heat but running in it is another story. Although our Crossfit gym is hot as can be and I handle that. But we we aren't usually in the direct sunlight like it is with running. 

So I'll be getting my race day outfit picked out. I'm thinking the difference in temperature is going to be pretty drastic for me so my initial thoughts of shorts or running skirt and tank top may not work.

One year when I was living in North Carolina I went from there to run the Seattle RnR half in June. The temperature difference was pretty much the same as this will be and I ended up getting a 13.1 PR of about 5 minutes!! I'm not expecting a 1:50 half marathon next weekend but it could happen! That would be awesome! We will see.....

My next 13.1....

I'm only 10 days away from my next half marathon!! I. Can't. Wait!!!  Anyone else doing the San Francisco Marathon or Half? I'm pretty excited. I haven't really been running at all but I've been training, Crossfit only. I'm also down about 13 pounds from May's half marathon and increased my muscle quite a bit. So I'm excited to see how this one goes.

The San Francisco hills have me a bit nervous but then again I'm not actually out to win....or even PR. I just want to run the course and enjoy the views and the race. My approach to racing has changed significantly over the past 5 years. 

Lately my fitness goals have evolved to being more well-rounded. I am confident that I could in fact race Amanda Style and do a last minute impromptu half marathon if I wanted. That feels good. But I can also do many other things that involve strength and agility. I'm stronger than I have ever been and I can see that this affects my running in the most positive of ways. 

My summer has been pretty awesome. I had some pretty significant changes take place that have forced me to embrace where I am in life and that feels good. I feel more in control of where I am headed and clearer than I have been in a long time. Sometimes sitting and waiting is necessary. But then again sometimes it becomes a habit that really holds us back. I may not be where I thought I would be at 37 years old but it's never too late to reinvent yourself, embrace the here and now, take life by the horns, and just tackle it. 

I'm not going to be a passenger watching life out the window. I'm going and doing....taking chances, stepping out of my comfort zone, and instead of saying "I can't!" My answer is now, "Sure!! Why not!? Let's do it!" And so far that's working quite well! 

Once I decided to close the door I felt a shift...

I just got back from Florida where I nourished my soul with sun, sand, and surf. I got up early to watch the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean, and in less than a week I'll be watching it set over the Pacific. 

It felt so good to sit and just appreciate all the amazing things in my life despite all the things I wouldn't call amazing. I can't allow myself to focus on what is lacking and it was right then, as the sun began to peek up over the watery horizon that I decided that I have enough. This life is beautiful and I will take the bad with the good.....

I will appreciate the beauty that lies even within the broken....

Recreating for a living...

....I wish.

I was recently asked, "Do you just recreate for a living?" I was a little confused because I read it wrong and was thinking re-create, like create myself over and over again...but then I realized it was recreate like recreation...which could also be re-creation...so now I'm confused AGAIN.

Anyway, I was asked if I recreate for a living. I started thinking about how social media can really mess stuff up. We post our highlights and all the fun stuff we do. I mean no one wants to see me hard at work....right?

Working hard.....?

So we post the fun stuff. Like all this:

Doing a Ropes Course......AWFUL.

SUPing with my best bud.....

Sweaty sesh with my Swole Sisters!

Backpack shopping for my backpacking trip.....

Lifting heavy stuff and getting strong!

So we post our highlights...and people see them and wonder if we actually do anything else. Well I assure you I do.  And I try to be real and not post just the good stuff....but sometimes it is my way of trying to stay positive, to remind myself that even though I just faced a lemon storm there are good things in my life. I am OK and I am moving forward.

So yes, I recreate.  A lot. I don't watch TV.  I don't play video games. I rarely sit still. My house is a mess. I have dishes in the sink. My laundry is piled to the roof. But I enjoy every minute I have that I am not adulting. And it's great!

So go ahead, post your highlights! I wanna see!

So I guess I'll just blog about it....

....when life throws you lemons they say you should just make lemonade. Well I think I'm at the point in life where if life is throwing me lemons I'm ready to look at what I'm doing. Why am I always getting lemons thrown at me? Wrong place? Wrong time? Bad decisions? Bad luck?

I can't really say I've had lemons thrown at me, per se, recently. More like I saw them coming; saw lemons flying around, acknowledged they were in fact lemons coming my way....watched them fall just short of my face....and decided instead of walking into them... I am not walking into that lemon storm again. Sometimes you have to walk away. Or let the ones throwing the lemons walk away, or stay there, in the lemon throwing mood, and just throw their lemons. But I am not going to let them throw them at me. Avoid the lemons. That is what I am trying to do.

I don't think I will ever understand some behaviors; people who intentionally hurt others or who blatantly disregard others feelings, knowing it is going to hurt. It's not hard to look past your own nose for just one second and ask yourself, "How will this affect them?" But I have been alive long enough to realize that some people cannot look beyond their own nose and will justify every action and never take responsibility for the lemon storm they single-handedly created. The only thing I can do is realize that it's not about me, my worth, my value. It's about that person's inability to be honest, to think about what they are doing from a perspective other than their own skewed, self-centered, irrational perspective. But the fact is in life every action has a reaction. Every decision we make will affect someone else. And sometimes those decisions are hard. And people do and will get hurt. Fact. But we can minimize the pain, minimize the damage caused, by simply thinking about it and being honest. It's hard. Without a doubt being honest and hurting someone is hard. But I promise you, the truth only hurts for a short while, but the pain caused otherwise can hurt for a lifetime.

So I'm just here, changing my life direction so I can avoid the lemons that have filled the path in the direction I was headed. And this new path will be great too....because I have a choice and I chose kindness, love, and forgiveness...

So excuse my while I go rearrange my life and explore this new path....

***and no darkness as vast and deep as a selfish heart.

I'm FAILING! Epically!

I have so much to tell you all!! But I am failing as a blogger! Do I tell you all of the stuff at once? Or just get it together and write every day since there seems to be a ton going on these days? I still haven't done my OKC Race Recap! Which is a perfect segway into what I have gone and done!!

What have I done!?!!  

Well my last name is still the same so it's not a Brittany Spears style Vegas Wedding...so forget that exciting story line!

I have gone and signed myself up for another half marathon. The San Francisco Marathon and 1st Half to be exact. This is such a cool race concept and I cannot believe i have never noticed this, seen this, or thought of this before. When you register you can chose if you want to run the first 13.1 miles or the last 13.1 miles! So I looked the course over and obviously chose the first 13.1 miles that takes you along the warf and the roadbed of the Golden Gate Bridge. With the sun rise we'll have a view of the beautiful city scape! It sounds absolutely magical....if a race can be magical. 

Not to ruin my OKC half recap for you all but I was able to run that race with ver minimal training outside of my crossfit 3-4 times a week. So I sat down this morning and created my training plan for this. Three runs a week using the Run Less Run Faster approach. It is somewhat daunting but the workouts shouldn't take more than an hour and will more than prepare me for the race distance. The only other thing that has be a bit concerned is the elevation. Once upon a time I lived in Cali and the hills were brutal, Seattle brutal. So there's that.....maybe I can find a hill here in the plains of Oklahoma. A country girl can hope!