Monday, June 3, 2013

The World is My Oyster....

Sometimes I say things without really understanding or stopping to think what it means...and then something happens and it hits me in the face and I realize exactly what it means. For instance I never understood what the phrase "He wants to have his cake and eat it too." meant....I mean seriously, who doesn't want to eat the cake they have? I know if I have cake I certainly want to eat it. Duh. But then, there is that moment where you just look out and it is clear as day...yes. I get it. It's true, you really can't have your cake and eat it too...

So this weekend LB and I were chilling at the beach, it's that time of year again, and I was watching him jump wave after wave, getting braver and braver, going out farther and farther...How nice it would be to be 7 years old again. Or at least as carefree as a 7 year old. His biggest concern was the jellyfish that floated up and the fact that his swim trunks didn't have a pocket for him to put his collection of 57 billion shells.

As I sat there watching him I realized that I could be as carefree as him. I have been jumping waves and they just keep coming. Some waves are fun, no big deal. Then some waves slam into you and knock you over, throw you off balance and cause your swimsuit to nearly come off and then you lose your sunglasses and get salt up your nose....not that that happened to me yesterday. But I have been jumping waves, day after day, instead of just going with the flow, accepting them, and dealing with them as they come. 

It struck me, while sitting there in the sun, that I have been fighting metanoia. Despite fighting it and being unaware of the process it has been happening. Slowly. 

Now that I have realized what is happening I have come to understand that the world truly is my oyster. I can be, do, go, see anything I want. I can run as far as I want, as much or as little as I want. I can run any race I want. I can be who I am meant to be....But then I realized that I have been struggling to find just who I am meant to be. I've been trying to establish my own identity. I'm no longer a wife. I don't feel like the farm girl from Oklahoma anymore. Am I even a runner anymore? A triathlete? Maybe. Maybe not. There are a few things though I do know. I'm still a mom, a daughter, sister, auntie, friend.   

Now that I am aware of the journey I am on, the journey to change my mind, heart, and my self to truly reflect me, I can sit back and enjoy the ride while being an active and willing bird of passage. And in the end, I believe that birds of a feather flock together....

Not to worry, this will still be a running blog. It will just have a few extras included as I make my place in this world and figure out the next chapter of 5 Miles Past Empty. I've got a local Army 10 Miler on Thursday this week! 


  1. Hmmm.. pretty sure you are a PNW girl?? Just saying..

    I miss you tons and hope that you can find your happiness because you deserve the BEST my friend. HUGS

  2. I love the picture and the carefree outlook of kids. Have fun at the 10 miler!

  3. I haven't been reading blogs in a really long time and to open up to this post was exactly what I need to read. These last few months have felt more like I'm being drowned by the never ending ocean rather than hit by it's waves. I'm ready to start on my journey to find myself again.

    Hope you rocked your 10 miler!

    1. P.S. You need to come run Seattle RnR one of these years again :)

  4. "Metanoia". Awesome word and a perfect name for the fiend you've been fighting recently to label yourself. You are AMANDA and that's all the description you need.

  5. Love how open and honest you are with yourself and with us, your blog readers! The most important step is done, now just enjoy the ride and new and fun things will happen!

  6. Did you know you can create short urls with BCVC and receive cash from every visit to your short urls.


You're pretty much awesome!!


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