Sunday, April 1, 2012

Yes, I'm Alive....

I didn't really intend for my "break" to last a month...and honestly I'm not really sure my "break" is quite over....

I miss blogging and sharing my experiences with you all. As miserable and boring as they are. But the truth is right now don't feel like I can really share what I want, or what I need to share. You see, I have a story to tell. Not today but one day I'll tell you my story. And I know my story is not unfamiliar or even unique. And I'm betting a number of you would say you've been there, done that and would have some wise words and I know all of you would have encouragement. And I'm open to hearing it. For now, though, I have to keep my story as my own.

All I can say is life has thrown me lemons, and I'd like to make some lemonade but instead I have a lot of rotting lemons lying around...and they stink.

My running is strugging. I'm not injured or sick, thank goodness. I just lost the motivation, the time and the ability to conveniently go for a run....It's much of the same, no time, no place to run, but I'm determined to work out a routine that will be manageable. I'm not giving up on Big Sur, which is a short 27 days away. (Insert mini GINORMOUS freak out here.) I may have to crawl but but I am going and I will toe the line. I wish it could be as epic and life-changing as OKC full was for me, but I haven't put in the miles or the training. I know this. I have been chasing the HIGH I felt from OKC full in 2010 for the past two years. I have yet to find it. Maybe I am looking in the wrong place. That race was not normal. There was something magical about that race. And honestly, that is part of my story. I know why it was so magical, I know why it changed my life. And since then I have been searching, hoping to feel that again, to feel strong, empowered, accomplished, capable, and proud. Soon, though...I'm not giving up on that feeling.

So, here I am. 27 days away from my next 26.2 miles. How do you salvage a marathon training that has gone by the way-side in 27 days? There is no taper when there has been no training. I was reminded by Mel-Tall Mom that it IS possible to finish a marathon with minmal training. Not ideal, but possible. She graciously came to run Vegas 26.2 with me in 2010 with bare minimum training. She was a saint! She stuck by my side and we pushed and pulled each other along. After the fact was not pretty, but she did it. And she reminded me of that. So, with her strength and dedication in mind, I'll get through Big Sur. I'm just bummed that I am no as prepared as I should be. It is so much easier to enjoy the experience when you're confident in your training.

I'm not guaranteeing frequent, daily blog updates but I'll try....and I'll try to get my Tobacco Road 13.1 recap up soon....


20 comments:

  1. Just wanted to give you a virtual hug and I will read your story when you're ready to post it! I just did 26.2 at the Bataan Memorial Death March with minimal training. It took me 7:45, but the challenge was completely different than my first marathon where I finished within my time goal and had amazing training going into it. I still finished Bataan with amazement that I actually physically made it 26.2 dusty, rocky, sandy desert miles. I know something beautiful will come out of Big Sur for you!

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  2. Sending you tons of motivational thoughts! Don't forget you are strong and you can do anything you set your mind to.

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  3. It was never a question as to whether you'd still be up for the race.

    Let us know if you need anything!

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  4. you don't owe the internet anything.

    take care of yourself. *big hug*

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  5. HUGS!!! Glad to see you back and wishing you well during this trying time.

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  6. Sending you lots of good thoughts.

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  7. It's all a part of our journey....our story.
    Here's to minimal training but great marathons!

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  8. Welcome back! Marathons are at least as much mental as they are physical. So while the physical side may not be optimal, mentally you know you can do it and that's huge.

    Keep up the good work, good luck!

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  9. I've been thinking about you this week and just missing seeing posts, etc. from you. Glad you checked in. I will try to be a better texter and check with you more often. :)

    I wonder if you did a run-walk-run thing...you know, like run 5 min. and walk 1 min. Or run 5, walk 30 seconds like Zoe and I did...I wonder if that would help you get through the race. You gotta walk early though, you can't wait till you're in pain. :) Either way, I know you can do it...and just enjoy being out there and soak up all the pretty scenery. I'm jealous!

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  10. HUGS!!! I may be far away but will always be there for you no matter what.. Wish I could run Big Sur with you so we could struggle together :) Keep hope my friend!!

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  11. Glad to see you back...even if it is just briefly. I have missed reading your posts! So sorry to hear that things haven't been good for you, but hopefully you will be able to have a good experience at Big Sur and enjoy the race, which maybe you wouldn't have been able to do if you were pushing to run a fast time. Good luck training and hopefully we will see more from you soon!

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  12. Sorry to hear life has thrown you lemons. Hope things get better.

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  13. I am so sorry things are not great right now... you are such a badass for sharing your true feelings. You can do this 26.2 with no expectations, just go out and be easy on yourself, see what unfolds and no matter the outcome you will handle it just as you have in this post, with style and grace. Who knows, maybe approaching it that way will give that feeling your looking for. many many blessing and much love to you.

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  14. I am so sorry that things have been so hard. There are lots of us out here that are supporting you and cheering for you in running and in life. Best of luck and BIG hugs!
    E

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  15. Happy to hear from you. Keep your chin up. Can't wait to hear from you when you're ready.

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  16. So glad I found your blog...keep your chin up...you can do it! It may take you longer that you wanted but you sound like your strong and have a lot of people supporting you. Blessings...

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  17. EEEK! Stinky lemons don't sound fun AT ALL. Hang in there! ;)

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  18. Hang in there and enjoy the views at Big Sur, hopefully they will motivate you along. I'll be running the 21 miler there too (procrastinated a little in signing up...full sold out.)

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  19. Hang in there. :)
    Enjoy the sights at Big Sur. They may inspire you. You never will know.
    Hope you will make that lemonade soon.
    Take care.

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You're pretty much awesome!!

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