Thursday, November 19, 2009

Let's Get Real...

It is dark, wet, dreary, cold and crummy here. Blah. Track work on days like this just plain sucks. Not to mention I am so 8th grade about my running shoes, I want them to be clean and pretty. Running in the rain does not make for eye-piercing white shoes. On last weekend’s long run with Mel my shoes got a little bit dirty, they are just white now, not glowing-white. They are getting broken in and by 9:30 AM next Sunday who knows what they will look like!!!

Yesterday I had a great run with AN the RB. We hit the street with only a plan to run 4 or 5 miles. We ended up with 4.5. And a great run!

Stats for yesterdays run:
Mile 1: 9:41
Mile 2: 9:24
Mile 3: 9:27
Mile 4: 9:13
Mile .5: 4:21
Total: 42:09

Now, for the true confessions.

I think I have an inner fat girl. I know I am not exactly fat. I know that my BMI says I am in the normal range. I know I am in great shape and fit. I know I can run 13.1 miles and still have energy left for the rest of the day. I know I can squat 60pounds and bench 50 (I know that is not a lot but hey, I can do it!). I know I am athletic. But something inside me just empathizes with people who are overweight, I feel like I am right there with them when they struggle, afterall I have an inner fat girl. And then, I can’t get the image of the 5 pounds of fat (Check out Zoe’s blog HERE) out of my head and I know just where that 5 pound blob is sitting: on my thighs and my waist. It won’t budge. I cannot get rid of it. I can run further, run faster, lift more, do tri’s, water aerobics, crossfit, P90x….it will NOT budge. Truly, I am happy with where I am but I strive to be better. I have worked hard to lose 58 pounds. I bet most of my friends and even family who read this blog had no idea that I had that much weight to lose after I had my Little Buddy.

It has been a struggle. I thought it was impossible to juggle being a mom, a wife (military wife nonetheless) and being me. Then I lost me. So it was way easier to juggle mom/wife with ME not in the picture. It has taken me a long time but I have found me. ME! Hi ME! I have missed you! And now I am still learning to juggle and find balance between ME, MOM, and WIFE. It can be done. So I keep running. I keep setting goals, planning races, and focusing on ME! I love having me back and I think I am here to stay!

Today I am grateful for:
My Little Buddy and The Hubs for supporting me all this time.
My present, that I may have opened! :) More about that next time!

Run Happy Peeps!


  1. Great post! I too have an inner fat girl, as well as a beligerent jelly roll!

  2. You seem to know "YOU" really well, and don't forget that. :)
    The fat blob is an extreme though. Think of it as spread butts and boobs! Hee hee.

  3. So 8th grade and sooo funny! Hubby has an issue w/ his shoes staying clean & white... also stuck in middle school? Ha Ha

    And the present....we're waiting to hear!

  4. Great post. I've lost a lot of weight too, 120 pounds, and I KNOW I have an inner fat guy. That's why all I do is run, run, run so I can keep running away from that ugly dude. I can relate too because I have some weight that just won't budge. I think it's from having carried so much extra weight for so long, well, for me anyway. It kinda sucks but it's a tangible reminder of how I used to be and I guess I'm still paying the price for my horrible choices before.

    Setting goals and planning races is what works for me too. That's the only way I know how to get by. That's why I'm determined to run 18 miles in Seattle no matter how much it rains. Rain be damned!

  5. Amen! I hear ya. Me too. Thanks for sharing.

  6. I lost me for a while, too. And I'm still struggling to lose the baby weight, so I know how you feel. :(

  7. I am glad your me is here to stay!

    I def don't have it as hard as all you moms/wives but I feel like for a while I was lost. Just hiding under my fat girl and eating my troubles away. I now am finding me again and loving it! Hearing that your me is here to stay makes me feel like I can bring my me back for good too! LOL

    Did that make any sense?

    Thanks for all your wonderful,posts Amanda, I find you and your blog inspiring!

  8. Oh, I am so glad that I'm not the only one that likes to keep her running shoes white. I will say, after my last half marathon in the pouring rain...they are no longer white. I want new ones now, but only have 250 miles on them...I like to get about 400!

  9. My inner fat girl ate a crisy chicken sandwich, french fries and a cupcake...LORD!!!

    Such a bummer about your shoes, I bet it would be cleaner if we ran the other direction but the view is not as pretty..See you in the AM...baring any flooding over the roadway or wind pwer outages. LOL..


  10. Great post!

    I´m not an inner fat girl, I look on the outside as a fat girl too :) That's not completely true however. Yes I have overweight but I don't think as myself as fat, just a bit too big but working on it.

    I hate it too when my shoes get all dirty :)

  11. I have the same feeling about my shoes and being dirty! So I keep a pair of shoes for "running in the rain". I try to only where those shoes when it's gross outside and I will be treking through puddles.

    We all have inner fat girls so you are not alone. Have you tried swimming? I find that swimming helps shape my body best and I become much leaner when I swim.

    PS- I highly recommend MCM. It is a wonderful race and you will appreciate it more since you are a military wife. I thank you for that!


You're pretty much awesome!!


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