I have five weeks until OBX. I don't think I'm going to do it.
I told myself that this weekend would be my deciding factor. If i got my 20 miler in today then I would be able to move forward with the 26.2 plan. BUT, it is now 9:06 PM and I have yet to run one single mile today. I don't foresee me running 20. I guess there is still tomorrow but again, unless someone volunteers to meet me at 4 AM then I don't see that happening. Anyone? Anyone? Beuler?
I must say I am saddened, disheartened by this. I want to do a fall marathon...just not enough to lace up, right now-this second, and go out for 20 miles. I want to do it, just not bad enough to train. So how much do I really want it? I don't know. I just can't seem to get in gear, get it together, to wrap my head around the run. The cherished, quiet, alone time I once longed for on the run is now a deterant. My thoughts are not pleasant ones and I don't want to be left with them, alone. I need constant distraction. I need something other than alone time. I need a running partner, someone to talk to me about something other than what I am thinking about. Talk to me about the new fall fashion, Halloween consumes, Thanksgiving dinner menus, Occupying Wall Street, shoot...talk to me about Kim Kardashian or Ashton Kutcher and how big of a jerk he is. Talk to me about anything other than what is going on in my life. I am avoiding myself.
Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully with it comes some sort of peace and a hint of motivation. I don't like this feeling and I know well enough to understand that I can change it. So, here's to the weekend and one more chance to get my 20....
On a brighter, less depressing note, My Official Race Crew, Jessica, is running her second half marathon tomorrow! Here we are in 2008--The Amica Seattle Half. Wow. We both have come so far! I am SO proud of her! She has been training so hard for this and I know she is going to do amazing!
I wish I could be there for her! She was a HUGE support for me at almost EVERY SINGLE RACE and I wish I could be there for her....but I will be there in spirit and heart!
GO JESSICA!!!! You are going to do amazing!
Wow, maybe I feel a little bit of motivation now? Yep, that's motivation alright! But not enough to go out for 20 at 925 PM....that's just crazy talk.