I told myself that this weekend would be my deciding factor. If i got my 20 miler in today then I would be able to move forward with the 26.2 plan. BUT, it is now 9:06 PM and I have yet to run one single mile today. I don't foresee me running 20. I guess there is still tomorrow but again, unless someone volunteers to meet me at 4 AM then I don't see that happening. Anyone? Anyone? Beuler?
I must say I am saddened, disheartened by this. I want to do a fall marathon...just not enough to lace up, right now-this second, and go out for 20 miles. I want to do it, just not bad enough to train. So how much do I really want it? I don't know. I just can't seem to get in gear, get it together, to wrap my head around the run. The cherished, quiet, alone time I once longed for on the run is now a deterant. My thoughts are not pleasant ones and I don't want to be left with them, alone. I need constant distraction. I need something other than alone time. I need a running partner, someone to talk to me about something other than what I am thinking about. Talk to me about the new fall fashion, Halloween consumes, Thanksgiving dinner menus, Occupying Wall Street, shoot...talk to me about Kim Kardashian or Ashton Kutcher and how big of a jerk he is. Talk to me about anything other than what is going on in my life. I am avoiding myself.
Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully with it comes some sort of peace and a hint of motivation. I don't like this feeling and I know well enough to understand that I can change it. So, here's to the weekend and one more chance to get my 20....
On a brighter, less depressing note, My Official Race Crew, Jessica, is running her second half marathon tomorrow! Here we are in 2008--The Amica Seattle Half. Wow. We both have come so far! I am SO proud of her! She has been training so hard for this and I know she is going to do amazing!
I wish I could be there for her! She was a HUGE support for me at almost EVERY SINGLE RACE and I wish I could be there for her....but I will be there in spirit and heart!
GO JESSICA!!!! You are going to do amazing!
Wow, maybe I feel a little bit of motivation now? Yep, that's motivation alright! But not enough to go out for 20 at 925 PM....that's just crazy talk.
You can do it! Ultimately, I hope you can make a decision that works best for you. A pros and cons list maybe? I'm training for my first half (OBX too!), but I can't imagine 20 miles. The way your mind can wander...but I do long runs on Sunday's. I'll be thinking and wondering about tomorrow morning. Good luck with the run and/or your decision. In my mind, the hard work (especially when it's really hard to stick with) makes the outcome worth it, but you have to make yourself happy...not miserable!
ReplyDeleteOk...you're supposed to do a 20 to reassure yourself for OBX and I'm supposed to do 20 (my double Crim loop) because a much more optimistic me said run, walk, or crawl he was going to try it.
ReplyDeleteLet me know if you want to maybe try to set up some sort of runners' pact and force this out of the both of us, if you haven't already knocked it out. I think the time constraints are close given when your race is and when Michigan officially turns into an icicle for the winter.
I'll be rooting for you to get out there. But if your heart's not it, there will always be another marathon.
ReplyDeleteGirl, cut yourself some slack. You have just been dealt a HUGE mental/emotional blow. Take some time to take care of yourself for a while. Screw the marathon. I promise they're not gonna quit making them after this one. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteSo, whats the decision??? Can you do the half? Be good to YOU and smart girl. Run forever, not just today :)
ReplyDeleteAww I hope your heart & your head help you figure out the best decision for you right now. With 5 weeks to go there IS still time to run a 20 miler or even two... see how it plays out.
ReplyDeleteI hope Jessica had a great race!
I LOVE you!! Hang in there.. I was where you were last year and I could not find the road.. I did not have a Marathon hanging over my head. I think you should change to the Half and enjoy the run...by focusing on the people around you :)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I cant be there to talk your ear off.. Maybe a new playlist??
Awwwe, you can do it girl. You will feel much better once you do.
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up! Only you can decide what's right for you!
ReplyDeleteAh, honey, there are many, many marathons but this is your only life, you know? If you don't feel like running and being alone in your head, then don't run. Take it easy, be good to yourself, watch movies, eat chocolate and go shopping with friends.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't get in your 20 miler, you can always switch to the half marathon. Thirteen miles is still a good chunk o' pavement.
Cheers,