This past weekend, April 19, was the 20th anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing. I also can't believe it has been 20 years.
So this coming weekend is the OKC marathon. I can't deny, I am pretty bummed that I am not in any condition to run it, nor the 13.1. I wish I was still at point where I could just decide to run and the next day show up. But that isn't where I'm at, for now.
Anyway, 5 years ago I was in the midst of Tapper Madness. I was scared. Terrified of the 26.2. I thought it was possible that I could just die. Not make it. DNF. Feel some crazy, awful pain....But all my fear and anxiety was for naught. I never hit the wall. I soaked up every inch of that 26.2 and ran with endurance the race that was before me. I didn't know what wold happen that day but I did know that so many people had suffered far worse that I was going to.
I miss the days of marathon running. I never thought I would say that. But it's true. Training for a marathon is hard. It took so much energy and time. But the biggest difference between then and today is that then, 5 years ago, I needed the marathon. I needed to set a goal that seemed impossible. I needed a reason to push myself. To prove to myself I was OK. I needed to overcome a challenge so big that when the time came I would be able to overcome an even bigger challenge....and here I am today. I'm so glad that I don't need the marathon today but I want it....But do I want it enough to actually start training? I don't know.