For the first time in 35 years I feel my age. An older man told me this morning that age is just a number. I know. And today my number feels big, heavy, hard, old, creaky, achy, and just plain lame. I've had stellar birthdays, don't get me wrong, this one isn't awful. But it's not the best one yet. In 2010 I ran my first sub 2:00 half marathon on my birthday, last year I rolled out of bed to run a half all by myself. This year? Nope. No races on the calendar for this big 3-5. As a matter of fact Ive got nothing on the calendar except work. Maybe that is why I feel old.
Do you ever feel ambition, excitement, and motivation just lingering there. Under the surface. Just enough to make sure you know its there, but not enough to kick you in the bootie and make you actually get up and do something about it? No? That's just me? Well I know it's there...kinda like the spring weather. It creeps up but not in full force. I know I am just millimeters away from glory days. From excitement! From accomplishment! From miles and miles and races and medals! But then it subsides, seemingly melting away deep down, disappearing again.
Maybe with this being 3-5 and all I will get motivated to find my Muchness again.
I have a list of things to do before I turn 36. Somehow I had a vision of where I wanted to be by the time I was 35. I had a perfect little picture of what a 35 year old woman should be.... I have felt, with the things that aren't picture perfect, that are somewhat out of my control, I at least need to take charge of the things that are within my control. Like my physical fitness. And here is where my biggest frustration lies. My resting heart rate is above 60! GASP! How did that happen? How did I let that happen? I know how it happened...life happened. Single, full-time working mom happened. I've been balancing and juggling for the past two years and I think I am almost getting it under control. Almost.
So here's to another year older....I think I'll go and make 35 great!