I have, a couple of times. The most memorable time was during the Portland Marathon when I contemplated jumping off the bridge, just to be done with it…read about it HERE. Ok, that may be a tiny over-exaggeration but still. One other time I was running 8x400 hill sprints. The funny thing is that I could stop at any moment. I could quit. I could walk. I could have gotten in my car and drove to Mandolin Café for a coffee and a brownie. I could have had Mel and Jill scoop me into their car during Portland Marathon at mile 13 or again at 18. But I didn’t.
I didn’t quit.
I have no idea.Today during spin class I wished I would black out. Fall from the bike and sleep peacefully on the floor until the class was over. I felt that way 30 min in. It was tough!! I was dripping sweat. I could watch the sweat drops roll down the bridge of my nose and follow it falling to the ground.
SPLAT!My sweat was pooling under the spin bike.
Weird.I have never seen that before.
I sweat, don’t get me wrong, during runs and other workouts. I just don’t generally see it pool beneath me. As I looked ahead at the mirror I could see my fellow spinners taking breaks, sitting back in the saddle. Why couldn’t I? Why was I still climbing? Still “turning it up”? Good question… So I would say spin was a success. I will be trying to hit the class at least once a week , doing one ride on the trainer at home and my weekly long ride outside on my gorgeous new Felt….she still needs a name. (Time is almost up to win some Yurbuds or a 50% off coupon to Optic Nerve. Check it out HERE)
After spin I ran 3.25 miles. I didn’t want to. I was tired and wanted to be done. I was hungry. I had a side stitch. I was thirsty and had no water. My head hurt (Why, yes, I would love some cheese with my wine. Thank you.)
So why not quit? Why not just get of the spin bike and walk from the room? Why not hit STOP on the mill and be done with it? I don’t know. It is not in me to quit. I am the dumb one who might fight to the death. I would be the one to gnaw off my own arm to escape from under a tree.
Ok. Maybe not. But who knows?
In Portland Marathon at mile 13 I was done-zo. But I wasn’t. I wanted to quit but I couldn’t. I was going to die trying. Just like a year ago in the Million Inch run (HERE) when my hip hurt so bad the sounds of pain coming from my mouth were not even human, I did not quit, not until I hit exactly One Million Inches. And I know this is probably not healthy. Not smart. Not ideal. And I know I can be smart and quit, stop when the time comes. But for now, I have not hit that point. What will it take? I shudder to think…
In the end I think this will help me, it has helped me way beyond exercising and racing. I have carried this over into my every day life. When I know others would lay down and cry I got myself up and went on. When I felt the world was crumbling beneath me I ran to solid ground instead of falling into the crevasse. Running has made me stronger and taught me invaluable lessons.
And for your viewing enjoyment, I love bell peppers. I had the most delicious one tonight with dinner and just thought you would like to see it:
Do you like bell peppers? That is a bell pepper, right? The orange ones are my favorite and yellow is a close second.
Have you ever kept on going when you know you should have stopped? Or am I the only nut case out here?
And finally, how do you think a spin class converts to road biking? I was supposed to ride 20 miles today but did an hour of spin instead….