The amount of personal growth that happened to/for me in the months from January 2010 to May 2010 is mind boggling. That was one of the hardest, darkest points in my life. I had a lot to learn, about myself, about life, about the world, about love, and hope, and hurt....I felt every hurt possible from physical to mental to emotional. And so I ran. I ran as fast as I could for as far as I could. That hurt. It hurt so bad that it made the other pains pale in comparison. And then I learned I was strong; mentally, emotionally, psychically. It was after my first sub 2 hour half marathon that something clicked inside me, "I can do this. I can do anything. I can do hard things. And I can do all these by myself and with the support of those who care fro me." I know i have written on this so many times before but those first months of running in 2010 saved my life. I have no idea where I'd be today had I not found my people, my road, my running shoes, my motivation, and the courage to say "I'll try."
So along that road to self-discovery and self-love I learned so much about myself. I did things I never thought possible, like running 1,000,000 inches! 15.78283 miles (but actually the course was a little longer than 1,000,000 inches....). And running my first 26.2 miles with a smile on my face the ENTIRE distance.... And still to this day I think back over those months and I remind myself that I have done so much, overcome so much, accomplished so much, hung on and stood up when I wanted to crawl.
And then I started CrossFit....
CrossFit does have a bad wrap with some people....and I get it. To each his own....marathons aren't for everyone, or so they say, and CrossFit isn't for everyone either (although I thoroughly disagree with both....if you want it, go get it, do it.....just do it, just try....but that is your journey and you will take it when you are ready....). I have been doing things in CrossFit that I never thought possible. There are some things I feel I may not ever be able to do, then I remind myself that I have done hard things and all I can do is keep working at it. One day I will get it.
When I decided to participate in the CrossFit Open through my gym I had no idea what to expect. then the first workout (16.1) was released. I quickly realized just what I was in for. Then 16.2 then 16.3....and then 16.4. As I watched the live announcement of the 16.4 workout I was in awe. I was scared and excited at the same time. Would I be able to do it? I had no idea. I had no clue what to expect. Kind of like my first half marathon. Could I do it? I didn't know....all I knew is I had been training and I would never know unless I tried. So I tried.....and I did it.
This is the 16.4 workout:
I didn't have a clue if I could lift 155 lb 55 times! And that was only the beginning. I made goals for this workout like I do for my marathons:
A. Get through the deadlifts, wall balls and onto the tower.
B. Make it through the deadlifts and wall balls
C. Make it through the deadlifts
And you know what??! I made it through the deadlifts! I was quite surprised that I was physically able to do that amount of work. I was so excited and proud! I honestly couldn't believe it. Why do I continue to doubt myself?
Not only did I make it through the deadlifts but I made it through the wall balls and on to the rower! I know that if I were to redo this workout I'd make it just a little further. And that is what CrossFit is about. Doing your best, improving yourself, challenging yourself, and being the best version of yourself you can be!
I'm quite proud of my score and I'm not ashamed to say so...
So what are you afraid to try? Don't let fear hold you back. You can do anything in this world that you want to do. You may not be the best but at the end of the day that is not what matters. It's what you learn about yourself, the strength you build physically, mentally, and emotionally, and the sense of accomplishment you feel after looking at something realizing that you are no longer weak or afraid. You are strong.