The last couple of weeks I've found myself doing a lot of introspection. I seem to always find myself waiting. Waiting for something, someone, timing, money, sunshine, or just waiting for a sign. Sometimes I wonder if God is standing there whacking me with my sign saying "Uh, here's your sign!" And I'm completely missing the whole thing. Oblivious. Or better yet ignoring it because it's not the sign I want.
Sometimes you can't ignore the obvious ones. The ones that seem to smack you in the face and set you back so far you wonder if it's 1999. The struggle is real. I've been hit with a sign recently and it was pretty clear. But the challenge is to not stand stuck, frozen with the magnitude of the sign that nudges you toward that goal or the dream. The sign that whispers to you "This is real, this right here, what you see, feel, believe, think....this is it. Don't doubt. Don't question. Don't ignore."
This year I didn't really set any New Year's Resolutuons but I had, have, a very clear picture of what I need to do. When I came here to OK I was on a five year plan. At one point it changed to a two year plan, then three. And now it's back to no-longer-than 5 year plan. But what am I waiting on? I guess I need to get my ducks in a row. Find a forever place, a piece of land where my vision, both professionally and personally, can be created. I need a business plan. I need to save money. I need more education and training. I need a partner. And most importantly I need to be the best me I can be. Need need need....
Once upon a time running made me the best me I can be. These days I've stopped trying to force the run, although I still have plans for a spring half marathon. Anyway, what am I waiting on? I was waiting on other people, another person, this or that, to nudge me along. But I'm not going to sit here and let life just slip by, because that is what is happening. I envy people who make things in their life happen. I've always been kind of a wait and see kind of person. The Ex Hubs always got irritated with me about that because he was a take life by the horns and make it what you want it kind of person. And I can see how that really is the way to do it. I can do anything, go anywhere, accomplish anything that I truly set out to do. I guess it's time I have a heart to heart with myself.
So again, what am I waiting for??